The balance

Today marks the fourth or so time ive been going to bible study group. And each time there has been lots of anxiety in the hours that leads up to it. Sometimes I have bad anxiety dreams. But each time God shows me that I have nothing to fear, and by giving me the strength to travel to small groups I get to know my fellow group members better, and to not feel so bad about speaking up. This is of course, in part because I’ve slowly gotten used to the dynamics of the group, and that is much to be thankful for.

Its also nice to be able to travel part of the way home with some of my group mates so we can get to know a bit more about each other. It helps to dispel the lies that my anxious mind believes so easily. Its been really enjoyable, and helps me settle in home as well, especially since I’ve now got friends who are more han just acquaintances.

I’ve been enjoying reading Marks gospel, and been amazed and excited by it. At the moment we have been understanding how Jesus is the sacrificial lamb. My knowledge of the old testament from last year’s bible overview has also helped me feel a great deal more gratitude for what Jesus did for me. How marvelous, how wonderful,  is my saviour Christ to me!

And how marvelous that I do not need to be swallowed up by my guilt, that I can stand up after I’ve fallen down, because even as I am conscious of my sin,  I can be thankful that I am no longer facing God’s wrath. What a difficult balance to strike!

I am still not sleeping well.. its my fault cos I dont have a regular sleeping pattern.. and don’t feel inspired to do much. But even doing stuff. . Makes me tired pretty easily. So hopefully I’ll be able to get over that when I find a job.

I don’t feel like blogging much these days..but it is good that I write a bit now and again.


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