Perplexed, but not driven to despair, Struck down, but not destroyed.

I am sure we all agree (I hope!) that God and change are the few constants in this world.

Too much has been happening (and it’s only life, after all) for me to write it down, and I don’t think it’s that helpful for me to give you a blow by blow account of my life. Which you don’t need because you have your own.

So, suffice to say then, that my decision to stay in London or go home to Singapore has been going up and down like a see-saw, and I really wish that God would help me to balance it and that it would lie flat. Meaning, that I can be content whatever the outcome. I know God is working in me because it is slowly balancing out in a way. I don’t feel like I MUST stay in London (as much as I had last year anyway), and my relationship with a few people in Singapore, especially my mum, has improved slowly and in a way that means only the Lord can be praised. God is great! Over the past few months, I have been shown how I might be able to serve back home and here. God has helped me crystallise my thoughts and to make solid decisions on how I aim to prioritise things in my life. It’s been tough though.

I must not keep my eyes on the world, but I must keep my eyes on the ultimate goal. To be honest, I am quite tired and I am flagging badly. I don’t want to care about anything anymore, and I want to just lie in bed and wait for the end to come. (Might get bored though…) I’m just looking forward to REAL rest, where I will be made perfect and won’t guilt trip myself for taking breaks.

I have been leading a small group (with two other girls) in studying an overview of the bible, which we will complete within a British academic year. So far, it has been very exciting. I have just been reminded of how God’s consistency and faithfulness and care has been described even as the world began, where there was nobody else to see it. God’s word does not come back to him empty. Ever. We see that in Genesis 1, where his Word created everything. We see that now in our own lives (or we hope to!) where God’s word in the bible is changing our hearts from one degree to another, making us more like him. I am going to try and remember that. The power that created, always works and never fails.

This weekend just gone, I was on a small group leaders’ weekend away. We looked at 2 Corinthians and Pauls ministry and reminded ourselves what we are really doing. If I am shown to be weak, it is not because I have been cursed by God, nor is it because I seek weakness. It is because I am a jar of clay full of cracks and holes so that God’s light shines through. I must remember that. But in my weakness I am also strong. Since I carry the light of God in me, even as people try to exploit the cracks, even as they try to create more cracks – They cannot destroy this little jar.


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